Monster Ink..

She sat in the corner of a room filled with books; while some weaved beautiful dreams, some monsters with empty pages and blank minds haunted her reveries…

Clickety-clack, snippety-snap!! And the flatlined lull of a calm, serene penthouse with nothing to do, no one to speak to was the worst thing she could ask for on a scorching afternoon.All she needed was that one sound, a chime on her phone, a buzz on the door, or the cry from her long shut closet..waiting to be unleashed!

And so it happened, the cell phone rang with reverberations to a melodious symphony! She expectantly picks it up and almost drops it, Ms.Butterfingers  she could hear someone yell resounding through the empty, frigid walls on that sultry summer day! She could feel the voice thumping against the wall, so strong that she thought it would eventually effectuate the destruction of her 10k phone.

‘Hello Madam, kya aap hamare insurance policy mein..’ rambles on a coy female’s voice from the other side of the phone and beep!  she cuts the call. All hopes lost, she resorts to the last option; door ajar, whitewashed walls, the cool zephyr of the AC and a linen so calm and inviting, she gets under the blanket and seamlessly transitions from a bored, depressed soul to an extremely satisfied and sound sleeper!

It is sad how when you are in your sound sleep, you are haunted by tremulous nightmares, only that these nightmares are real! The monsters have a brain, a body, a heart..a really cold heart and sometimes, that monster is you!

Clickety-clack,snippety-snap!  She was fast asleep, unfazed by the circumstances she was previously brooding upon and somehow she could feel a gust of hot air blown across her face,she is hyperventilating, drenched and soaking wet, she feels beads of cold water roll across her chin and down the neck, grabbing her like a wreath designed to kill, and then she wakes up. The AC is off and the window is open, and she is sweating! Grabbing a scrunchie, she ties her hair up and heads towards the bathroom, to splash her face with some cold water. Just then, she hears something, an eerie, snippy sound echoing from the cupboard. Being well aware of her hazy, sleepy state she ignores and walks towards the bathroom.

Click,click,clickety-clack, clack…

The incessant noise continues to resound with increasing volume. A little apprehensive yet practical, she deduces that it must be an insect or perhaps a rodent of some sort which might have entered the cupboard. With a cudgel in her hand she flings open the door, only to find that the wardrobe is empty, just a few hangers..perhaps it was the hangers that were making the sound, she convinces herself of this baseless argument and decides to head out!

But the noise doesn’t cease, she looks all around the room, but then the voice seems to be coming from elsewhere.Walking out, she checks the hall, the kitchen, the living room..nada! Then she looks at that one room she hadn’t entered in months, ever since she had new commitments, a new life, a new beginning, she had conveniently forgotten her past, her genesis, her roots..unable to efface all those memories, the happiness she had forged, the dreams she had spun for a future and the hopes she had crushed with just a tip of a pen, she had to put an end to this madness, it was driving her crazy and she had to take care of it..once and for all!

Clack,zip,clack,clack..

All their memories, the moments they had spent hand in hand, the tens of hundreds of books whose pages she had scrapped and whose sheafs she had preserved with bittersweet, fragile, intimate, memorable and thought- provoking words came rushing back to her and the noise grew louder...she turned the doorknob and entered the rusty old room. Tears in her eyes and a scar in her mind, she laid her hand on that monster that was lying on the floor, in a corner, her dusty and rusty old man, lay incapacitated.Held in her arms, she felt the voices din down, drown and doze!

Click,clack,clack,click

She snapped and tapped on the keys of her old typewriter! She glanced at all those sheafs of paper which were filled with her stories, real or imaginary! All those odes and ballads she had composed that made her mind dance and her heart skip a beat, now lay shackled and bitten by the bug of ignorance! Her eyes welled up, she looked into the mirror hung on the wall and wondered whether it was her dream or the glass that was shattered. All her writing that had made her who she was, that gave her a reason to smile and laugh even during the hardest of situations were now locked up in her past!

She took a leaf out of her old book and wrote to herself…

You were, are and always will be the best of my friends, worst of my enemies and the dearest of my family. You are my little monster, my ravenous nightmare, the only one who is welcome in my dreams!

Put your restlessness to sleep, keep your passion awake and never let go, for that is what defines you, distinguishes you and keeps you alive! This small piece is a request to all those people who have locked up their hobbies, their interests in rooms of past and in the eyes of their future. Never wait for anyone to nurture your interests, for then it is too late and the key to those doors are lost!

A paid,renewable membership endowed with a lifetime of stupidity!

What is a website ??

-a location connected to the Internet that maintains one or more web pages.

What is  matrimony?

-the state of being married; marriage.

What is a matrimonial website.

- A brainchild(a bit of an exaggeration,but whatever)of a CS enthusiast and a defaced astrologer of the 90's.

Before the troll begins, let us try to focus on the possible sane explanation for the origin and the seemingly exponential,strong legacy of this ridiculousness. Oh! Wait, that is a catch-22 situation in itself, let us begin the troll!

If you caught a person off-guard and gave him/her the following set of information, what would a sane person guess?

• Name-
• Age
• Background-..
• Height :..
• Weight- ...
• Job - ...
• Salary - ...
• Interests - ...
• Achievements - ..
• Languages spoken-

There is a possibility that the answer might revolve around a job profile, higher studies, maybe for an entry into Sumo Wrestling Championship...maybe!

But look at this

• Eating Habits(just to be sure that it is not Hannibal)
• Smoking habits(Just to verify that it is a human and not a chimney)
• Dosham(If you have learnt Sanskrit probably you would think of this as a misspelling for Dosa in Sanskrit)
• Gothram( Batman fans, no it is not Gotham!!)
• Star/Raasi(Just look at the spelling on that!..probably they were wondering if they would find a match who is from the same insipid, gormless universe as theirs which has that star)
• Family values(Clearly #Sanskaari)
• Family type( Well! if one voluntarily signs up for such insanity then probably a stark stupid one!)
• Ancestor/Origins-(What if they have descended from Hyenas instead of  Apes, the dowry would probably be a little less)
• Father's income( I mean, why not?..let us tow the line)
• Mother's income( Oh my God! they are so advanced, they do take mothers to be breadwinners. I mean(slow claps!)
• No. of brothers and Sisters( See, why blast bijli when you can fire up  the entire chain of crackers! yay! festive time)
• And who asks whether they are looking for someone with Dosham, I mean...why??
• Professional preferences (Annual Income + Branch)-- Because Google hires people with 7. odd CGPA,..let us give them all  chance)

Phew! That was a lot, but let me warn you, it is not exhaustive!

While it maybe a lot of fun, just stumbling upon such websites and trolling them, on a serious note, there are a lot of people who have fallen prey to this and the most sad part is that  they enter the trap voluntarily..and while some are happy staying trapped there for life( or after life(well for some #Sanskaaris))..some end up regretting this life long and end up spreading toxicity about this institution.

So, look out people,look out for that one nash,impostor with a humongous Coursera subscriptions but a Sanskaari heart!

(Just joking! Not generalizing...But do keep a watch!)

-All in good humor!

In the prime of change.

When the festive spirit dies, the exam fever kicks in! Within a month all schools and colleges would

 be commencing "preparatory" examinations for the upcoming board examinations(if you didn't 

know, it is one of the "turning points " in our lives and for all those who have already turned without

 feeling an iota of difference then probably you are  too cool for that or one of the most 

impressive impostors of our times) and to showcase our improved mindset as a progressive nation, a 

new fad has dawned upon our motherland's greatest thinkers(or businessmen);'What after 12th? fairs'.

Here,  the answer is pretty obvious(Apologies if this remark sounds retrograde) that it is 

pretty much Engineering(A universally known hierachy: IITs,NITs,Renowned local colleges.),The 

Medical Sciences(I guess AIIMS, KIMS,KMC and then(thinking) never mind!!), Commerce(),The 

pure sciences(IISc,IIITs,TIFR).But, just in case one's family happens to stumble upon and tumble into 

one of these fairs(you know, just for a weekend outing!) then you would spot  a lot of euphoric kids 

swarming and  an equally confused lot of rueful parents (wishing that The Eternal Sunshine Of The 

Spotless Mind concept was true) but that doesn't go to say that there aren't any families supporting  

the "quirky" derailment of their children's ambitions but the point is such families would  most  

probably not attend such fairs in the first place. So, basically such events( although with a good 

intention) turn out to be a hurricane showstopper in the educational dailies, a roller-coaster ride for 

most of the patrons and a true game changer for a few.

So, what exactly is the loophole in this entire idea? Well, as a person who has been through that 

phase, I personally feel that such events should be held a long way before the "turning point" and not 

at a point where you have turned 180 degrees and there is fire if you turn back and a seemingly 

innocuous whirlpool if you turn ahead or one should be well equipped with asbestos and a Battleship 

before one begins the Turn!!. So, the next time you hear about one if these fairs, look back, think 

ahead and  decide for the present.

Good luck to all!(Age no bar)

SADist.

'The school announces prize money of Rs.10,000 for the top three rank
holders in the board exams.’,this announcement sends the toppers into
an exhilarating fit and the underdogs into a miasmatic frenzy,the cool
kids though , stay impervious. Now, such incentives are not bad per
se, but there is this one huge problem swivelling around it, the
impediment of a poor,myopic motivation.If only anything, such a
notice sends a wrong although “well intended” message through the
minds of the students and it gives a false sense of confidence to a few
and deprives of what little confidence the rest of them have. Now this
is one of those “stepping stones to success” which must be avoided
but unfortunately has been gaining steam.
Our country, being the biggest democracy is sadly a sheep following
the false ideology of partisan responsibility.Let us, for example take
the energy crisis; it is true that a solution to this problem rests in the
arena of a scientific mind but it would be utterly wrong to assimilate
and propagate the notion that it is solely their responsibility.
Population explosion is one of the major reasons why this problem
has aggravated. And it is the duty of political leaders, socialists and
every educated soul to endorse,propagate and help educate all the
strata of our society about the current scenario and the horrors the
future holds for us if the danger is not quelled.It is important to realize
that just finding an alternate source of cleaner,safer and cheaper
energy isn’t going to solve the problem in the long run if the
population witnesses an exponential growth and the responsibility
rests on all of us and not just a few.
A job market faces unpredictability when there is disproportionate
concentration of workers. This stems from the biased notion
acquainted with certain jobs being prospective which basically is a
ramification of a poorly educated, ignorant,quenched mind racing
towards a mirage. And being a witness and a victim and a deceived
patron of such a half-baked scheme,it is the root of all these problems
i.e the quality and intention of education that worries me the most as
an Indian, a land of intellect and culture.

Riddikulus!

 Advertising is a way of drawing people's attention towards your product,a contrivance in some(well!most)cases, with sporadic cases of genuineness and an amusement in certain other cases!
But, once it crosses a certain line that light amusement turns ridiculous.

Fairness creams have been in the soup for so many valid reasons but what amuses and some times irritates me is the backdrop of the ads.I was watching TV yesterday and the ad came up; a bunch of girls walking through a street and then this truck comes up spewing cacophonous amounts of smoke onto their face, and any sensible person would think(issued in public interest:please get emission tests done on your vehicles regularly) but no! it is an ad for a fairness cream(face-wash, something)!
I mean pollution is on the rise and complexion  is all you are worried about!!

Then, there was this other ad, where querulous mothers are brooding over how their kids badger them for junk food and then there is this solution that by using a certain toothpaste, mommies can be relieved that their kids teeth are all hale and hearty(dentists:face-palm) and fine, I can make peace with that, but then comes this tag line-' Now, I am secure as a mother!!' What does that even mean??
How does using a certain toothpaste boost one's morale??

Then there are detergent ads which says,a wash just like your mom's work! I mean, come on, what are you implying??Indirectly it hints at and endorses the perpetual notion that washing clothes is a mom's work, at least they could have attributed this to the efficiency of a washing machine, makes sense!

These are just some of the ridiculously charming ads we come across daily!
Next time you see such a boggart, remember to shout out Riddikulus!

                                                     Comic Boomlet!

Hulk,Batman,Iron-Man,Oh wait! Spider-man,Superman, Supergirl, Catwoman let us squeeze in add-ons say,Hawk-eye,Colonel Rhodes,Black Widow. Fine, here are the run of the mill sobriquets we all as humans belonging to this generation are well acquainted with and although some of the aforementioned "super heroes" are absurd or probably depicted so(Superman's gaffe until Man of Steel released.Ugh!!, then the mind numbingly preposterous,anti-climactic end to The Dark Knight trilogy which couldn't be masked by the mellifluous and liberating sound track and now Batman v/s Superman!KMN) most of us preferred watching them multiple times to watching a movie like 'The Vow' or Oh no! that one example is enough!!.

I thought, maybe after this there would be more sequels,spin offs,collaborations and stuff, but no!! there was Ant-Man and whom did they cast? Paul Rudd! Sure, Feynmann said "There is plenty of room at the bottom" and then the  comics was revolutionised about three years later!! Ta-da...Ant-man.
(No offence to all the fans out there but Garfield would have made a better super hero!!) But, this seemed to be tobogganing ,Ant-man the movie!!(lol). And what is new?? nothing, nothing at all, I mean come on, if there were ever to be make a movie on Supandi or Shikari Shambu  and let us say it released along with something like.. 'Ant-Man v/s Terminator -Termite' , the odds definitely favour the latter!!.

Now, let us decode the movies made so far in this genre(not the comics, the movies) . The algorithm seems to be this
while(1)
1) The soundtrack and a collateral display of the franchise names, the director blah blah...
2)A narration,like from the Intelligence Bureau interrogating one of the accomplice or from the newsreader saying that so and so place was attacked by supposedly such a kingpin (and in the case of Transformers franchise, it is Optimus' techno-babble)
3)They show the hero's house, he/she is alone, (a recluse basically) in his/her room listening to the news or pondering over something.
4)Then the villian comes, ruffles some feathers, threatens,assaults the near and dear ones but never manages to move a hair on the better-half!
5)Folks are surprised to find the "hero" out of the cocoon ,
6)Hero saves people by flying,jumping,riding.
7)Something uneventful and personal happens and the odds are against him/her.
8)The better half leaves him/her after a cursory session of advice on family, dignity and lovee(yes double 'e')!
9)The disconcerted hero flies to his cave. and goes into hiding only to be found by his/her sidekick and hence exhorted to return to save the "world" because apparently the villian is lighting fireworks instead of matchsticks and this has heavily influenced the media to an extent that, that is the only news across!
10)(basically this is a VLSI Soap Opera!!) Then, the hero meets the villian somewhere on the top of a building, in a deserted house or  in space where the better-half(only) is held hostage, and then there is a brief exchange of reproach, an insight into the villian's past, a brief moment(here 90s or more) of silence and then somehow the hostage's neurons fire up and he/she succeeds in grabbing free.
11)An inevitable physical(compulsory ,about 15-20 min,)combat and moment occurs where you feel that, yes, there is logically no reason why the hero should survive the attack and then
12) The sidekick or the police force arrives out of thin air, saves the hero, kills, captures or is too dumb to get hold of the villian!
13) A felicitation ceremony back in the city, the love birds reunite, bury the hatchet!
14)A boom of soundtrack to end it!
15)Credit roll or foreshadowing of the villain's reconnaissance!
16)(this step has never been STOP) Continue,step 1, with slight change in cast, title and
17)BAM , you have got yourself a sequel and a Housefull theatre,cash enough for another sequel or assylum! Your choice!

Celebrating the not so distant release of Batman v/s Superman!! and the success of Ant-man!! (get it?)

                                 Why reservation system is outright ridiculous!!

A meritorious student from a middle class family with both parents retired gets no concession or economic considerations on a 50k fee for a course, while a reserved category student has to pay 10k and then apply for scholarship so that the student is reimbursed.This is downright preposterous.The so called "aid to bridge the hiatus in the society" is being compensated by extortion  from the meritorious students. This is highly unacceptable,but there is nothing we can actually do about it.
While this injustice continues, the rich keep getting richer and the so called "poor" fly across the economic gap and land in the financial havens, while the middle class people keep taking the onus and their condition deteriorates.

I say there should be sensible and logical premise for  such concessions, a detailed financial check up should be done; if there are students who genuinely cannot afford to pay the capitation fee then such people should be supported, a 4 or 5 year insight should be logically implemented and an informed decision should be taken as to who is to get the aid and who doesn't rather than going by sheaves  of certificates that claim so.

I know that there will be an end to this demeaning,unfair treatment but I just do not want that to happen once hell freezes over!!